I never lost my FAITH. I gave up my BELIEFS, that arrogant conclusion that the path which was taught to me as the path to God was indeed the correct one. I saw in my Church many examples of people who did not exemplify the spirit of love, joy, and peace that was exemplified in the man known as Jesus. There were times when my focus on his followers led me to doubt who he said he was, but I still did not lose my faith that the Presence of God which compelled him to live the life that he did was also compelling me to live the life that I did.
I believe that each life is an intricate tapestry of passions, joys, memories, interests, and disappointments. I believe that following the aspects of our lives which bring us the greatest energy, the highest consciousness, and the most blissful awareness should be followed after, allowing one to go with the flow of bliss and sit serenely in the hands of providence in what I can only construe as true Eternal Life. For Life is lived Now, and each color in the tapestry, each thread which runs parallel and through the others, integrating a moment of bliss into the greater foundation of beauty that is the art of our life, must be appreciated to greater appreciate the whole.
I say that God told me to hitchhike across the country because the desire was put on my heart years before. When I went to Alaska, when I was on the road, and was offered the opportunity to place my attention only on the here and now, I felt at home. When I returned, I tattooed the image of the planet and a pen on my shoulder, branding myself as a nomadic journeyman whose purpose was to write the world. When I reached the lowest level of my being, I realized that I was not being true to myself or what God would have me do by not fulfilling the desire that was laid upon my heart. The desire to do what I was capable of doing (de-sire = “of the Father”) needed to be filled.
I found a quote by an unknown author which says “Self actualized people must be what they can be. They must live at the level they know they are capable of living at.” Why did Jesus go to the cross, endure the pain of humiliation and crucifixion? Why did he rise from the grave? Because he knew he was capable of doing it. It is my infinite prayer that I might stay attuned to that awareness of who I really am and what I am capable of doing to serve my God, my community, and my world.